Looking about me I see many women these days are going au naturale regarding their appearance. This is unacceptable and most certainly not healthy. The skin must not be allowed to breathe. I also find the ruddy healthy glow most unbecoming. No makeup table should be without the following:

• arsenic in almond oil - a most delightful preparation to impart a pale ethereal pallor to the skin. May also be used in the hands and décolleté.
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• powdered lead mixed with rice powder - a wonderful blemish concealer, face whitener, and excellent adjunct to the arsenic preparation
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• cinnabar - provides a lovely red hue to the lips and cheeks, never mind those old wives' tales about it being poisonous
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• mercury in rosewater - an excellent skin toner

Once must remember to never wash the face, simply reapply your makeup over the previous layers. Of course on must remember to not frown or smile too much, as your lovely mask may crack and flake.

Some ladies go so far as to apply leeches to their cheeks, but I think that is pushing vanity too far. Leeches should be reserved for treating serious illness, and not for a lady's fancy.

Next week I shall speak about perfumes and teeth freshening (for those of you lucky enough to still have some teeth)

HRH,

Elizabeth Regina